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so so   
11:50pm 31/10/2009
  sosososososoooo sleeepy
went to see my rhettstar last night

didnt get much sleeeeeep ;) hahaha
shame i had to suffer alll throughhhh tonight tho
still worth itttt!!!!
 
      1 bloody tampon -  have a tampon
 
oh dear loooorrddyyy   
01:12pm 29/10/2009
 
mood: accomplished
hello hello
im not drunk today so im going to post a post to say a proper

HULLO

immmmmm currently sitting here with a towel on my head, neeekkkkiiiiddddd, waiting for the boy to call to let me know when he's home on account that he's lost his phone charger and is a slackkkkerrrrrr.... i just spent 2 hours doing my stupid tax return... only get about $500 back but thats better than last year where i only got 70 riduculous! lets hope i did it all correctly tho :) ive never done my own tax before... so much easier and CHEAPER! hooray! haha

soooo i moved out for a little bit which probably explains my absence, started dating a total knobjocky, got stupidly overweight again and realised that i'd become everything i despised... and so i left... and im still fatttttttt but on the mend with that, and now im seeing a very lovely boy who makes me really rather happy :) to which i realised that going out with friends really isnt a bad idea :)

ive cleaned up my act heaappppsssss, been off the gear amongst other things (bar the occassional spliff here and there), my mind is starting to clear up, im starting to feel so much better within myself, starting to eat healthy and lose weight, exercising again! not being lazy! doing stuff that doesnt involve drugs and HAVING FUN! :)

life is pretty sweeeeeeeet
and
i really am
truly
truly
HAPPY!
 
      have a tampon
 
holy moly   
09:44am 24/10/2009
  its been a yeaarrrrr....
so much going on
im a home owner! i have more dogs! i hate relationships and am whoring myself out hahaha just kidding!
im too intoxicated to do this
 
      5 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
im sleeping and im lazy ohhh wont you come and save meeee   
03:48pm 29/06/2008
 
mood: happy
wellllll
i really should check my emails more often because i just heard from someone who ive missed for such a long time
=)
im going to melbourne tonight and im going to go to the zoo! and to the botanical gardens! AND TO THE MUSEUM!!!
and im going to visit mr boo and drink tea and other non-non-alcoholic beverages =P
AND
well i might shop a little bit but i dont want to blow everything
ANDDDDD
i got a second job!!!! at my most favourite store everrrrrrr so if youre ever in freo you should come say hi cos im awesome wicked cool and ill have super funky clothes to tempt you with, shame its only girls stuff tho, still i love boutique shopping....
right now im sitting here with gladwrap on my head and a glass of buttery chardonnay (the real kind cos im off the crackshit) and im doing the opposite of what the box says and using hairdye on my eyebrows cos i can hardly see them anddddddd.... whatelse im picking my face cos im a bit of a grot like that
been exercising more which im happy about, no drastic results so far which sucks because i feel really uncomfortable being at this weight but soon ill be back to my normal size, thats the bad thing about quitting drugs i suppose, you put on weight and you look like a feral mickermeral
my dad and my doubledenim uncle are eating and laughing and im waiting for one of them to choke because theyre laughing so hard with their mouth full and it looks like an accident waiting to happen
sheeeesh bajooobi
well
anyway
i think... i mayyyyy
i dunno
go wash this shit outta my hair and then see how dry my washing is cos im scared its going to rain and then i wont have any clothes to take with me to melbourne, trying to decide what to wear on the plane too cos well... yeah
i dont have any flats =(
BOO
ok
yeah
time to go nowwwww
wheres my mummybearrrrrrrr
 
      3 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
oh dear!   
11:23am 02/06/2008
  wowwwwww
its been forever since ive written in this thing,
so whats been happening?!
well ive finally started to transition (a more permanant one this time) into creating a better life for myself
im exercising, im slowly giving up smoking, ive kicked the crack pipe and the only thing i really enjoy now is the occasional joint which i find a shitload more pleasant than a bag of smoke that leaves me itchy and shitty for a week
im kinda trying to distance myself from a lot of people aswell, hoping that soon i can find myself new friends with better interests than popping pills and smoking meth all day, looking forward to school seeing as im not longer so stressed, i havent had a panic attack for ages, i dont feel depressed, im not so anxious and i feel like this time i can take on school without having a doctor tell me otherwise
so the goal is this
school. a second job. health and fitness and eventually save enough to go overseas for volunteer work
perfectly acheivable
anyway im fucking off becauseeeeeeeeeee i kinda dont feel like sitting here
soooo
hope youre all doing great :)
oxox
 
      2 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
if you are what you say you are....   
06:02pm 23/01/2008
 
mood: drained

man life is pretty... hectic at the moment
i had nearly 3 weeks off work, they sucked enormous balls, i blame myself but at the same time i just wish i went away instead of staying home, that whole time just seems hazy, i drank way too much, spent too much, didnt sleep anywhere near enough and tried my hardest to occupy myself with as much bullshit as possible so that i didnt end up thinking how fucked up things are right now

i caught up with old friends, i was just thinking today how nice it felt to be around happy people again, to be with people who are laughing and smiling and taking the piss, i miss laughing and smiling and being happy, i miss not having to worry... fuck ive missed some of these people

...
i really want to write here but i just... i feel too fucking scattered for this crap

 
      2 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
   
12:12am 27/12/2007
 
mood: nauseated

someone kill me
please?

its all too much

 
     
 
   
10:47am 25/12/2007
 
mood: bored

i cant believe i actually fell asleep last night
i neeeed
more sleep
but
no
i have to go to work now
merry xmas!

 
      1 bloody tampon -  have a tampon
 
how did we all come to thiiiisssssss....   
04:24pm 15/12/2007
 
mood: pissed off
my head hurts
my eyes hurt
and
my limbs
and
im just so damn tired

i really
feel
like
shit
AND
i dont know what to do anymore
why does everything have to be so damn difficult
i hate myself
i really
fucking
do

...
oh and my phones broken
 
      4 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
cannotwaittobethenextmrsssssssssss   
06:24pm 08/12/2007
 
mood: cheerful
i would just like to say that....
my husband is the best husband in the entire universe
...
that is all
 
      have a tampon
 
yay   
11:35am 05/12/2007
  today when i weighed myself i saw a number that i havent seen in perhaps 6 years
yeah
im still a fatso
but it still feels good knowing im slowly getting there
 
      1 bloody tampon -  have a tampon
 
boooooooo   
12:27pm 04/12/2007
  im supposed to go to the bank to go put money on my credit card
im too lazy to move
or
get dressed
ill leave it till tomorrow which is dumb
but fuckit
 
      2 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
ergh   
01:18am 04/12/2007
 
mood: sad

like....for real
fuck this
fuck tonight
fuck the w/e

im tired
im sick of relying on stupid sleeping pills that dont work
fuck not being able to just accept that this is me
i dont want to set myself unachievable goals but i cant seem to stop, i cant stop doing this to myself

why cant i just be happy

 
     
 
alcoholic...   
12:37pm 23/11/2007
 
mood: drunk
its only just after midday and im sitting here with... a rather strong alcoholic beverage
how bad would it be if i just got pissed in the arvo and then went to work?
im not happy today
i dont evn want to go to stupid work
i want to go out
and go out i bloody will
me and markymarkus ule are going out for a beer and a yarn after work because i havent seen the fucking bastard for yearrrsssssssss
oh man
i miss him and alex and duanne and little delwin habibi and corby and amychu and deejzapeanutta
i miss being our little group
where wed pretend we were au pairs from america to get into the rise and paramount
where we'd all cramp into markus's bubblegum car
AND MAKING MASSAGE TRAINS AT HEAT
fuckkkkk its been so long
so much shit has changggedddd
i got my mouth inflated, it looked so hot yesterday cos it was swollen but now i dunno.... i want it BIGGER
that was my gift to myself because ive been a stressed motherfucker all stupid year
i think this year
was really... weird
weird and difficult
i wonder who has weed, a cone would... do me rather well
my dad wants me to clean my room
i want...
a cone, then a pippabucket then just a plain pip and then i want to play pictionary and then uno and then i want to have a game of chess with adelleeehhhhhhhhh and then ill have a game with his big bro allliiiiiiii and then well all talk religion and politics, adel will try and decypher my art, ill be lost in space
actually i might give someone a telephone call, get some lobbers, get a halfy and get fucked up tonight, despite knowing that im going to seriously regret it in the morning, my mum will kill me, my dad wont say anything and darko will give me evils, right now, right now i want to forget, i want to not deal with this shit, not today, not ever, but after being completely cut from the loop only to go through last night, fuck that.
it might be the end
but tonight
i just want to go back to the way things were
where i was too fucked to give a shittttttt
i think
im going
to
drag
markus to the rise tonight
im going to
attempt dancing like a little RAVVVVAAAAAARRRRRRRRR
haha
yeah
boi
thats right
okay
im going to go
and
make
some
phonecalls

p-.s. HAPPY TURKEY DAY TO ALL MY AMERICAN FRIENDZ!
 
      2 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
were so handsome and were so bored   
02:06pm 18/11/2007
 
mood: blah
blegh
im
really
fucking
pissed off

i wanna go out
wear a pretty dress and some killer heels
dance with strangers
get absolutely trashed
go swimming at night time
and
i want to have a fucking pip
...
oh and i want to lose another 10 kilos

i might go pay the old crew a visit tomorrow, catch up with duane and have a glass of fucking chardonnay
oh
and
i want
a fucking martini
and
i also wanna go to the casino and play poker... or just play poker in general, its just easier at the cas because it means i can have endless supplies of martinis

i really shouldve gone to toodjay last night and just stayed there till tomorrow
 
      1 bloody tampon -  have a tampon
 
   
11:19am 05/11/2007
 
i finally got
my
pearl ringgggg

p.s.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY
 
      4 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
   
11:27pm 25/10/2007
  im going to go watch the shining, im probably gonna shit myself
im scared
EEEEE
im ssssccccaaarrreeeddd
i miss my husband
 
      2 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
its always...   
05:05pm 25/10/2007
 
mood: content
the little things that really make me smile
 
      have a tampon
 
oh NO!   
10:53am 25/10/2007
  i havent been getting any emails to say ive had comments in ELJAAYYYY
sorry guys i didnt realise!
diet shakes taste like shit
IM GOING TO THE BEACH TODAY!
and then ill buy the newspaper
and look
at jobs!
altho i wouldnt mind doing a receptionist course if theres nothing interesting,
mmm
i want to go to the beach
AND
im going to go for my motorbicycle license, well for my L's first, and then i shall most probably get rid of my car and be FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
 
      11 bloody tampons -  have a tampon
 
oh al....   
10:17am 21/10/2007
  bless you, you dirty mother fucker i fucking love you for putting a smile on my face this not so grand happy morning...

bless pottymouths

yay i have money again
 
      1 bloody tampon -  have a tampon